Day 1: The 365 day 'end of procrastination death spiral' project

Where to begin...ah...i'll think about it later...
6 days later..
See? see that up there? this..this is the issue...the problem...the rash thats been spreading ...
PROCRASTINATION.
You know what it is. It affects everyone; young, old, poor, rich...I bet it even affects animals too.

plants?..

I can't sit (I really just went and watched some youtube clips of talking huskies without even thinking) and really focus on one thing (again, my neighbor just came over with her puppy) for more than a few minutes. This one sentence took about 30 minutes to type..not kidding

My procrastination has never really bothered me or got this bad before. Before I'd put off things for a couple of hours but now..I've been putting things off for two or more days..

(note: This doesn't apply to work..when I'm working for someone, I work hard...it just renders me useless at the end of the day to work on my own things..)

But now, a new kind of procrastination has been born..a whole new level..THE PROCRASTINATION DEATH SPIRAL..or PDS
PDS goes something like this:
1) know that theres work to be done.
2)think about doing it later.
3)3 hrs later..set up workspace
4)do something else..
5)start feeling guilty...tell self to take nap to 're-engergize' self.
6)30 minute nap becomes 4 hour nap. shit
7)start to feel REALLY guilty, too guilty to do any work. takes another '10 min nap' thinking that the extra energy will boost self confidence (plus i've set up alarms from three different devices, its FOOL PROOF)
8)10 minute nap becomes another 3 hour nap..wtf happened? I forget I set the cell phone on silent, the travel alarm clock falls into the crevices of the couch and the alarm clock runs out of batteries...not even Mr. T's gonna take pity on me..
9)now I feel REALLY guilty, so much guilt is coursing throughout my body that it renders me useless..
10) 6:00am. I actually have some energy to do work, but its time to catch the train.
and thats my life every day. I'm worried that if my PSD worsens...my life will end up like this..

It was never like this before, when I first came to Parsons in 2007, I felt scared but..ambitious.

three years later..I think i've spent up all my energy.

From the last couple of weeks, I'm noticing that PDS has been creeping in other parts of my life. Like, when I eat, i'll eat half of it then save it for later (maybe I dont feel like chewing?) When I watch a show/movie i'll pause it for a moment, do something else, then come back to it, so a two hour movie will take a whole day to watch...(this is only when i'm by myself, my friends/family would kick me if I did this with them..)

I found several personal sketchbooks that are filled with strange and wonderous plans of inventions, gadgets and other things i'd love to make that I haven't gotten around to do. Stories that don't have endings and other ideas that kind of fall through.

Now my sketchbooks, along with my process sketches, have little drawings that reveal my mental state at that particular time..like the ones you see here.

Thats why i'm starting this blog. I want to actually finish a project that I start. (I started a travel blog when I studied abroad in Italy..yea..failed, because I was doing other things) I know that there isn't going to be this huge reward, but I know that i'm going to feel good about myself at the end. I get what I need to do done, its just with my own ideas/projects...they kind of sit on the shelf collecting dust.

In all seriousness,thats what I really want. To have a sense of accomplishment. Because lately..in the realization that this is my last year as a student...I feel as though I haven't really done much with my life..what have a really accomplished? and...to be quite frank..wth am I gonna do when its all over? Is my chronic case of PDS going to make me live in a cardboard box someday? (If I do, at least i'll have enough experience working with chipboard to make a decent dwelling...haha..::cries::.)


There should be some sort of punishment involved right? Like if I miss a day of posting into this blog..like having someone kick my ass into gear..I'm not sure what that'll be just yet..

It can't be weak as "if I don't post on one day, i'll eat this entire carton of ice cream"

and the punishments that I have running through my head might be a bit too harsh

maybe having to buy everyone dinner at a good restaurant will suffice..

..i'll get back to this later..

If I succeed in my endeavors, i'll take a trip somewhere. Japan? I've always wanted to go to Japan..

Anyhow, here are the rules i've set up for myself:
1)The posts have to be longer than three paragraphs at minimum. No posts like "I ate a almond, it was rad" will be accepted
2)There has to be a topic. No all over the place conversations will be allowed.
3)Postings can be missed. Only because of an emergency, if i'm lost in a jungle with no internet access, kidnapped by the triads, yakuza..etc
4) At least two drawings must be included.

So, this is the first day of posting. 364 days to go...I really hope i'll go through with this one. NO. thats loser talk, I KNOW I will finish this challenge and when I do, i'll see ya'll in Tokyo screaming 'YATTA!!'...bitches

why am I starting in the middle of November? several weeks before finals?...for the challenge!!11!

In all honesty,I think my studio final, mixed with other finals/life...finally made me crack. (look at all the 'finals' in this sentence..i'm developing a complex)

I'm not sure who's actually going to read this, but if you finished this post, hopefully you'll stick around with me for the next 364 days..maybe its because you want to see me win..

or fail...

i'm gonna go cry now.