Day 126: Running in the Rain

I suppose you're wondering where I've been or what i've been up to.

I'd like to know that as well...


I can't remember anything that didn't involve my normal daily routine. 


I do know that I was working on a competition, sold my soul to it and became a CAD monkey and Rhino junkie. (Wait...i'm already these things)

The stress of it building up to this week, my mental capacity nothing but giggle fits and ctrl-Z, among other keyboard shortcuts.


Working for a couple of hours each night in the city, commuting home at 12, then working some more can make a person a bit crazy.


This left me little time to actually write about things that didn't involve some angst brought on by crashing OS's, R/U values, tall buildings, and other technical difficulties. And i'm sure you really wanted to read that.


I started hating what I was doing, questioning my abilities as an architectural design student, my life choices, hating computers, why the stupid file wouldn't open,...etc


But this past week was different, maybe it was because I was delusional or just finally cracked under the strain...but I was actually...happy? 


I can't describe it really, this feeling that I had. Maybe it was knowing that this competition would be over soon, or that whenever I finished rendering or making these images, I was actually proud of the finished product. 


Traveling home each night was almost like a meditation session. The commute is much quieter as there aren't as many tourists and people around. I spent most of my time staring out the window, thinking, watching the lights of the city become smaller as I traveled further away from it, looking as though it was a part of another galaxy.


It was a very different feeling than the angst i'd feel during the commute.


My thoughts during this time were mainly nostalgic and at the same time hopeful about the big changes I knew would be occurring soon. 


Maybe this feeling wasn't actually happiness, but more like peace. 


There is/was a lot of anger in my heart, but a lot of love as well.


and I thought I had lost that side of me. 


Yesterday was the last day of the competition. The prints and the cd of the project had to be postmarked that day and sent out. When my partner and I were finally done, we only had 7 minutes (yes 7) to get to the post office from 14th street to 31st. The post office closed at ten o'clock at night. Things definitely got crazy leaving my partner's finger bleeding and myself with a large bruise from falling down halfway on the stairs.


As I bolted out the taxi, I tossed my umbrella onto the sidewalk because I couldn't hold onto it, I ran in the cold rain clutching the giant tube with our posters, up the million steps to the post office.


I found myself laughing, not the crazy laugh that my colleagues would usually hear each night in the computer lab, 


but a laugh that made me feel alive. 


(So hopefully these days, now that i'm free from all this headache, i'll write about things that don't involve my woes, i'm getting tired of it actually)