Day 21: I Don't Think Canadians Like Me Very Much.

Around this time of year, my mother has another thing on her list of things to complain about.

Canadian Geese.

At our house by the river, in Pennsylvania,  we have a number of them visiting, or rather trespassing,  our yard. 

They're a nuisance because they eat the grass. They eat grass differently from other animals. Other grazing animals simply bite the tops off the grass.

Geese just pluck it out of the ground. 

I haven't been in PA, but I know that when I go back...I have a new job to do...

Keeping those birds off our lawn. 

It's important to do, the grass helps keep the earth from eroding away too much when the water rises in the spring.

You would think its a simple task right? no. 

I remember the first time I did this.

First I chased them, screaming loudly.

then they waddle away.

Good, they're scared off. I can go back inside and do important things right? haha 

of course not.

The moment I go back inside, 

they come back to the lawn.

Alright. alright, I just gotta stand out there longer, they'll eventually go away.

So I run out there, yelling and screaming like a banshee, and this time wait 30 minutes or so.

They wait around for a bit on the water. But when they see that i'm not moving. They swim off to the bend in the river where I can't see them. 

good, they're gone for good.

I go back into the house, fix myself a cup of coffee to reward myself
. 

I go by the window.

There they are again. 

Alright, thats it. Standing out there isn't going to do anything..I gotta really scare them.

I dance, jump, sing loudly.

(Like a failed, desperate Siren from the Odyssey)

They go around the bend again.

Alright, I've scared enough water fowl and people for one day.

Just as i'm about to open the door, my mom tells me.

At this point, I give up, they can eat all the grass for all I care. 

But no, i'm not allowed back in the house. 

I try to reason with my mom...

Alright, I gotta come up with a new strategy, 

Yes. I grabbed one of the old trashcans that we use to throw leaves in, and set myself right on the lawn. The plan is that I would jump out after a few minutes.

No..this plan failed miserably.

I made one of the geese go into attack mode I think (maybe it was mad at my horrible Rod Stewart Karaoke)and it flew at me, 

Almost biting my ass.

and slipping on the shit covered hill, I made it back.

And I left them alone for the day.

Since then I don't look at these birds the same way anymore. That white band underneath their bill, will always look like a grin.

A sarcastic, evil grin.

I'll get you bastards one day!!